Left to its own devices, the human body is a literal stench factory. From your feet to your armpits, we all wage an endless war against body odor. But there’s one crevice of your body that’s especially foul: your butt.
While the smell of your rectum probably isn’t a priority, there’s a sense of pride that comes with walking around like your s**t literally doesn’t stink. But what if your butt odor doesn’t subside?
Let’s look at six possible reasons why your butt smells, and what you can do to eliminate that anal aroma.
You’re Wiping Your Butt Wrong
Poor wiping habits are the primary culprit for a stinky butt.
If you’re pooping in a hurry and don’t wipe thoroughly, the leftovers get lodged in your butt crack. This negligence can cause a chronically itchy butthole, not to mention the stench.
Your wiping direction is also a crucial variable. If you wipe back to front, you smear your poop onto your gooch, which is already one of the most disgusting crevices of the human body.
But even if your wiping game is flawless, your wiping material can spoil your efforts.
You see, wiping with standard toilet paper doesn’t clean the poop off your butthole—it just smears it around. Those fecal remnants cling to your butt hair and fester for hours, leading to an ungodly stench.
What to Do:
For starters, ditch your two-ply and switch to wet wipes.
DUDE Wipes are flushable and infused with aloe and vitamin-E to sooth your nether regions, even after the messiest of deuces. Have your pick between unscented, Mint Chill, or singles for when you gotta go on-the-go.
Want an even better insurance policy against a poopy butthole? The DUDE Wiper 1000’s dual-action blasters will give your third pit the powerwash it needs. Don’t know how to use a bidet? Check out our idiot-proof tutorial.
Swamp Ass
Also known as monkey butt or gooch goop, swamp ass refers to the sweaty mess in your dude regions that gets especially stinky in hot weather.
Your butt area has tons of sweat glands, but contrary to popular belief, butt sweat is actually odorless. However, chafing all day causes that moisture to mix with bacteria, resulting in a horrific stench.
What to Do:
Before you conquer the day, dust your undercarriage with DUDE Powder. Infused with natural odor-fighting ingredients like menthol and aloe, your crotch will stay fresh and dry all day. It's like deodorant, but for your ass.
If you have a hairy bush in your butt crack, manscaping helps to air out the region so your butt can breathe.
Lastly, make sure you give yourself a good scrub with warm water and body wash, especially after an active day.
Tight-Fitting Clothes
You may be tempted to show off your gym gains with tight-fitting clothes, but beware that can cause excessive sweating, especially in your genital area. Synthetic fabrics such as polyester and nylon are especially problematic because they’re non-breathable and trap all your tushy odor.
What to Do:
Opt for breathable, natural fabrics like cotton and linen for optimum circulation.
Hemorrhoids
Hemorrhoids are swollen veins in your butt hole that can develop if you sit for long periods of time, have chronic constipation, or if you have a low fiber diet. It’s a common problem that affects more than 75% of people. Common symptoms are rectal bleeding, itching, and painful bowel movements, but they can also stink if left untreated.
What to Do:
Medicated witch hazel wipes can reduce swelling and irritation associated with hemorrhoids. Warm sitz baths and topical ointments like Preparation H also offer relief.
Hemorrhoids typically fade away on their own, but if they don’t go away, talk to your doctor about prescription medications and other treatment options.
Anal Abscess
This is a painful, pus-filled swelling near the butthole. Anal abscesses can be caused by blocked anal glands, ingrown hairs, anal fissures, or bacterial infections. They’re usually red, warm to the touch, and release a foul odor if any fluids leak out.
What to Do:
Anal abscesses usually require treatment from a doctor who drains the pus so the surrounding tissue can heal. Do NOT try to pop these things on your own—there’s a high risk of infection and even more irritation.
Anal Infections
A sweaty butt can cause an overgrowth of fungi in your anal area, leading to yeast infections. These often entail chronic itching and occasional discharge which has a funky stench.
If you have anal sex, sexually transmitted infections (STIs) like gonorrhea and chlamydia can cause unpleasant odors if any discharge leaks from the rectum.
What to Do:
Depending on what type of infection you have, your doctor may recommend an ointment, cream, or other medicine to clear up your symptoms.
As far as prevention, wearing breathable underwear and bathing thoroughly after exercise will ward off fungal infections. And when it comes to sex, use a condom to reduce your risk of STIs.
Don’t Be a Butt Odor Victim
It’s the 21st century—we have the internet in our pockets and self-driving cars. There’s no excuse to walk around every day with a foul-smelling butt. Take control of your anal hygiene: spray it down, powder it up, and get your wipe right.
In the wise words of Dave “El Pres” Portnoy, “When you’re rich, only two things matter: flying private and cleaning your asshole.”
