You’ve got some righteous gas brewing in your butt and a stink bomb is about to explode any second. It’s no longer an option to hold it in, and there’s not a bathroom in sight. Worst of all, you’re stuck in a crowd of people who will definitely look at you in disgust if you let it rip.
There’s only one logical move here, DUDE: crop dusting.
Crop dusting is when you stealthily fart on the move, thereby “dusting” everyone in your path with the horrific stench of your gas. It’s also called gas on the go, toot-and-trot, or rip-and-dip.
If you’ve ever been a victim of crop dusting, you understand the frustration of not being able to identify the culprit. And if you’re a crop duster yourself, you understand the pure bliss of relieving yourself in public and making a clean-yet-stinky escape.
In this article, we’ll unpack the history of crop dusting, explain how to crop dust successfully, and analyze crop dusting in pop culture.
What Does ‘Crop Dusting’ Mean?
Crop dusting is a slang term for intentionally farting as you walk past a group of people. The phrase is derived from agricultural crop dusting, where aircrafts spray large areas of land with pesticide or fungicidal dusts.
Crop dusting usually involves long, silent farts that are released amongst unsuspecting victims. It’s usually done in crowded spaces like airports, trains, bars, and offices. Since the duster relieves himself on the move, it’s virtually impossible for bystanders to identify the source of the stench.
The earliest documentation of crop dusting dates back to a 2003 Urban Dictionary entry from a dude named “Jeff M.” When prompted to use the phrase in a sentence, he wrote: “While walking through the mall, I crop dusted the unsuspecting holiday shoppers.”
Atta boy, Jeff!
Meet the Daily Crop Dusters
Crop dusting can be done as a prank or when there are no public relief options in sight. However, some people are daily crop dusters. Take flight attendants for example. The Sunreports that crew members constantly rip ass amongst passengers.
“During a flight, crew try not to pass wind in the tiny galley where their colleagues are taking a break,” writes Caroline McGuire report. “Instead, they save up their gas and let it out while doing a walk through the cabin. To do this, they walk slowly up and down the aisle, pretending to check whether the overhead cabins are properly closed and passengers are settled.”
Apparently teachers love crop dusting too. In the r/Teachers subreddit, teachers have lengthy discussions comparing their crop dusting techniques.
“Is it bad that I get a little kick out of crop dusting my students?” writes Good_Story_Basket. “Most of the time there's enough noise in the room to cover my bodily functions. Let’s be honest. Nobody smells a nasty one and then blames the teacher.”
“Crop dusting the kids is a hidden perk of the job,” adds ripcurrent. “But they'll never tell you that at teachers college.”
How to Crop Dust
If you want to fart in public and get away with it, it’s essential to learn the art of crop dusting. Here’s how to perfect your technique.
2. Approach Your Target
Once you feel a fart bubbling up in the chamber, approach the people you wish to crop dust. Make sure there’s an escape route nearby, otherwise you’ll have to walk back through your own stench and blow your cover.
2. Gradually Release the Gas
Let the gas escape your butt in a slow, steady stream. Remember: you’re dusting the area, not dropping a massive stink bomb in one place. If you fart too aggressively you could accidentally increase the volume of your fart, or worse, shart your pants.
4. Make a Clean Getaway
Don’t linger in the cloud or retreat back to the crime scene. Keep it moving and never look back, even if people start taking notice. Wait at least a minute, then walk back like nothing happened.
If someone complains about the stench, just shrug your shoulders and say “whoever smelt it, dealt it.”
Crop Dusting In Pop Culture
Crop dusting may have started as a niche online slang term. But over the past 20 years the phrase made its way into Hollywood.
On Conan, Kevin Nealon told the story of crop dusting Jack Nicholson at a fancy Hollywood party as payback for refusing to chat with him.
“In the middle of his conversation with Al Pacino, I heard him say ‘What the hell died in here?’ And I thought: that’s the last time he’s ever gonna snub me like that.”
Then there was the 2009 movie Still Waiting, when four dudes crop dust a restaurant customer who was giving their waitress friend a hard time. The victim initially thinks he smells weed, only to find out he’s been inhaling flatulence.
Most recently, a TikTok went viral when a user covered Alanis Morissete’s “Hand in My Pocket” and replaced an iconic line with “I crop dust in Whole Foods, baby.” The video racked up nearly 4 million views, giving new life to a classic song—and reminding people how funny crop dusting is.
When Dusting Turns Into Dumping
Every time you crop dust, you run the risk of accidentally pooping your pants. That’s why we recommend packing a DUDE Wipe for emergency shit-uations. You can’t predict when a shart attack might strike, but you can ensure you’ll have freshness on demand.
Think of us like an insurance policy against skid marks.
