“Wipe till it’s white.” That’s the rule of thumb for post-poop cleanups, meaning you should wipe your butt until no more traces of fecal matter remain. But sometimes, you can’t get clean no matter how much you dig around—it’s like a conveyor belt of fecal matter.
What gives?
Endless wiping after a bowel movement is annoying, not to mention it can leave you with a chapped, itchy butthole. We don’t want you to suffer needlessly, so we’re breaking down five potential causes of endless wiping and how you can shorten your cleanup time.
5 Reasons for Endless Wiping After a Bowel Movement
Two or three swipes should be enough to clean up after a dump. If your ass requires more attention, it can likely be chalked up to one of these causes:
1. You Have Slimy Poop
Solid poop leaves minimal residue on your anus, so you only have to wipe once or twice. However, if your stool is pasty or sticky it can smear all over your rectal area, which necessitates a lengthy cleanup time. If you have a hairy ass, slimy poop is even more problematic because it clings to the hair instead of making a clean escape from your bum.
Soft, slimy poop is often a dietary issue like a fiber deficiency. If that’s the case, firm up your poo by eating more fruits, veggies, and whole grains, or pop a fiber supplement. Other times, slimy poop is caused by GI conditions, such as:
- Celiac disease
- Crohn’s disease
- Inflammatory bowel disease (IBD)
- Irritable bowel syndrome (IBS)
- Ulcerative colitis
These issues may require treatment from a healthcare professional.
2. Wiping With Dry Toilet Paper
If you go through half a roll of TP when you wipe, that’s because it doesn’t actually clean you up; it just smears the poop around. Your sphincter has tiny cracks and crevices where poop gets lodged en route to the toilet, and it’s hard (if not impossible) for dry tissue to fully absorb it, hence the excessive wiping.
3. You Didn’t Totally Empty Your Bowels
If you start wiping before completing a bowel movement, you’re likely to have dingleberries or little chunks of poop hiding inside your butthole; this is called “turtling poop.”
Wiping actual poop (as opposed to just the residue) makes a huge mess around your undercarriage. Now instead of saving time by rushing your poop, you have to spend a ton of time on cleanup duty.
If this sounds like you, take your time on the throne until everything works its way out. You’ll feel better and you’ll drastically reduce your wiping time.
4. Fecal Incontinence
Also called bowel leakage, fecal incontinence means you have little to no control over your bowel movements. According to Mayo Clinic, this issue can be caused by weak sphincter muscles, nerve damage, chronic constipation, or rectal injuries.
5. Hemorrhoids
Roughly 1 in 20 adults will have hemorrhoids, which occur when the veins in the rectum become swollen. If this happens, the anus can’t close completely, allowing poop to leak out even after you finish your bowel movement. Not to mention, stool can get caught on the hemorrhoids, making an even bigger mess.
Hemorrhoids are treated with over-the-counter topical creams and sitz baths to reduce the inflammation. Medicated witch hazel wipes can also reduce inflammation and heal the hemorrhoids.
How to Get More Mileage Out of Wiping
Tired of burning through entire rolls of TP in one sitting (and burning your bing-hole in the process)? Frustrated with wiping…and wiping, only to find an endless supply of poop emerging from your body? Get cleaner faster with these two tips:
Use Flushable Wet Wipes
If you spilled a pot of chili on the floor, would you use a whole roll of paper towels to clean it up? If you’re a savage, perhaps. But a civilized human would wipe away the mess with a wet rag or a mop.
The same principle applies to cleaning your ass—DUDE flushable wipes get you fresh AF, fast AF. Best of all, they’re 25% larger than average baby wipes so you can cover more ground and get more bang for your buck.
Use a Bidet
Bidets are standard in many industrialized countries, and for good reason. Rather than relying on handheld wiping materials, the bidet sprays your rear with fresh water to wash away residual feces. It’s like a shower for your butt.
Bidets keep wiping to a minimum. In fact, if your bidet has a drying function, you don’t need to wipe at all. We know this is foreign territory for many of you, which is why we created a comprehensive guide to using a bidet.
Call us biased, but we’re partial to the DUDE Wiper 1000, equipped with dual-action blasters to leave your privates poopless.
Put an End to Endless Wiping
Endless wiping after a bowel movement is normal, and it’s usually not a cause for concern. It’s most likely because you have poop “turtling” inside your anus, so just be patient and let it all come out. And most importantly, level up your wiping materials so you can clean—not smear—the aftermath from your dump.
