Bathroom hijinks are a staple of our favorite comedies, from Christmas Vacation to Bridesmaids — with a specific focus on explosive situations.
The reason? Poop jokes are always hilarious. So we got together at DUDE headquarters to study the best comedy movies and bring you the absolute best movie scenes in American colorectal cinema. Our research extended from Netflix all the way through old VHS tapes. This is what we consider to be the 10 most epic poop scenes ever captured on film. Once you're done here, you can follow it up with our favorite fart scenes of all time.
There was a lot of great material left on the movie history cutting room floor, and there's no doubt we left out some of your favorites, so let us hear it. As they say, one man's crap is another man's treasure.
10. 3 Ninjas
Never mess with Rocky, Colt, and Tum Tum. The three idiot surfers Hugo Snyder, the villain in this exceptional movie, sends to kidnap the 3 Ninjas prove to be no match for the trio's Home Alone-style house pranks.
After nailing the intruders in the face with pepper bombs, Tum Tum approaches with a drink filled with an easily detectable amount of laxative mixed with soda to cool them off. You can guess what wacky action happens next.
Unlike most sequels, Problem Child 2 is like Godfather 2, arguably better than the original. Would you believe that Junior finds himself in trouble again? This time with the "Tidy Bowl" girl in the school bathroom. After calling a brief truce, Tidy Bowl inexplicably pulls an M-80 and a lighter out of her pocket.
From there, the explosive somehow travels through the plumbing (remaining lit the entire time) and comes out directly under the ass of Junior's hated new teacher, Mr. Thorn, who just so happens to need to take an emergency deuce. That, my DUDES, is what you call movie magic.
No one forgets the first time they were exposed to Battle Shits. Let's just say this is the worst way to be introduced to the reality the fairer sex does indeed poop. And a bizarre way for Brits to honor the Royal Navy.
7. American Pie
The legend of Stifler will never die because of pranks like this. After Finch paid people to spread a false rumor that he kicked Stifler's ass, Stifler got his revenge by tainting Finch's mochaccino with—you guessed it—laxative.
After getting tricked into defecating in the girl's bathroom by Stifler, he let's fly an all-timer. To make matters even more humiliating, the girl who wanted to go to their high school prom with Finch was in the bathroom with her friends...talking about how "refined" Finch was.
Unbeknownst to Tom Arnold (playing a cowboy), Austin Powers is actually drowning one of Dr. Evil's henchman, not fighting through the most heroic dump of all time.
Plenty of quality lines from this one, including, "Don't force it, gonna blow out your o-ring" and "Bite your lip and give it hell."
You only need to yell one word to clear a crowded public pool and get some peaceful pool time: "Doodie!" With this scene along with a classic performance by Bill Murray, Caddyshack proved ahead of its time — pooping in public is more common than you think.
While no one technically takes a crap in this scene, it remains one of the most memorable lines from the funniest Christmas movie of all time: "Shitter's full!"
Everybody has a Cousin Eddie in their family in real life, the clueless uncle you barely tolerate but somehow remains welcome at all your family functions. Unfortunately for Randy Quaid, art began to imitate life, and he seems to have taken on some of the "crazy" Cousin Eddie brought to Clark Griswold's home.
Never has food poisoning been more accurately depicted in film, much less a rom-com. What begins with a series of shart attacks ends in a symphony of explosive diarrhea.
The great John Witherspoon releases an unforgettable number two playing Craig's dad in Friday. After finding out Craig (played by Ice Cube) got fired from his job, he demands he joins him for a little fatherly advice while he's on the john.
His first question for Craig is, "How the hell you gonna get fired on your day off?" Then he hands him an application to become a dog catcher just like his old man. In between preposterously generous sprays of air freshener, Witherspoon then waxes poetic on his love for his profession.
This poop is legendary and needs no introduction or description. Just remember always to check that the throne you're about to christen is functioning before you let it fly.
If you've learned anything from our top 10, we hope that you'll quash any future beefs with atomic strength laxative. According to Hollywood, it's the best way to avenge those who have crossed you. And if you're worried about getting caught in the crossfire, you know how to always stay fresh in the streets.