We stumbled upon an unfortunate (and downright disgusting) controversy that’s spreading around the web: Apparently, a lot of you dudes don’t wash their ass cracks when you shower.
In this viral TikTok video, a woman named Kate explained how her ex-boyfriend couldn’t be bothered to wash his booty hole as part of his standard bathing routine. And before you write this guy off as a lone offender, he assured Kate that “nobody does that,” apparently referring to all of his buddies.
This testimony inspired another chick to ask her boyfriend about his stance on butt-washing. His response? “The water gets it pretty good.”
Fellas, we already have an epidemic of men not wiping their butts properly. We can’t afford to have you not washing your butt properly too—or worse, not washing it at all. Letting a few dribbles of water run down your crack isn’t nearly enough cleaning power to combat the bacteria, stank, and dingleberries lurking in your third pit.
In the best interest of your personal hygiene, we created this comprehensive guide to washing your butthole properly in the shower.
The Proper Way to Wash Your Ass in the Shower
The shower is the ideal place to polish your poop chute. To be clear, that doesn’t mean just letting the water run down your crack or swiping a bar of soap between your cheeks like a credit card. Your anus deserves a thorough scrubbing with soap and water every day, just like any other bodily crevice.
In a perfect world, you should shower after shitting and/or trimming down your butt hair. This way, you don’t walk around with leftover gunk during the workday. Regardless of your pooping or manscaping routine, here’s how to properly wash your bum in the shower.
1. Hose Your Hole Down with Water
Start by hosing down your hole with water to get rid of any lingering debris. If you have a hand-held detachable shower head, aim the nozzle toward your brown eye and spray away. If you have a fixed shower head, squat down so your cheeks spread apart, then cup your hand around your gooch to catch a handful of water and splash it upward.
2. Scrub Your Bum with Gentle Soap
After the rinse cycle, lather up some body wash. Your nether regions are delicate, so opt for something that’s labeled “gentle” or “unscented” to avoid irritation below the belt. Once you suds up, spread your cheeks and scrub.
Be gentle down there—you’re cleaning your butt, not sanding down a deck. If you’re a washcloth or loofah guy, don't use the same thing on your butt that you use on the rest of your body—this raises your risk of a skin or eye infection like pink eye.
If the idea of your fingers going anywhere near your butthole freaks you out, you’re not alone. Whether you’re a germaphobe or have a deep seated fear of butt stuff, you gotta get over it. Here’s what one dude on Reddit had to say regarding the matter:
The thing is that you can't be afraid to touch your anus with your fingers as you wash. Remember, you are using soap and water throughout the entire process, so it is hygienic (good wiping practices help as well), and you should give your hands a final wash before finishing the shower. The best thing is to wash between your legs from the front, and then reach behind from the back, kind of scoop the water in and use your fingers to ensure that everything is washed and rinsed properly.
3. Do a Final Rinse
Once you’ve cleaned out your crack, rinse the soap away with water. A handheld nozzle will help you get a more targeted clean, but not all of us live high on the hog. Accordingly, the squat-and-scoop technique we mentioned earlier will work just fine.
4. Pat Dry with a Soft Towel
We strongly advise patting your b-hole dry with a clean towel after showering. Slipping into your boxers with a moist butthole creates the perfect storm for bacterial growth, fungal infections, horrific odors, and swamp ass.
Don’t get too aggressive when you dry off, but don’t be afraid to get in there either. Pro tip: You should have a dedicated “butt towel” so you don’t dry your face with the same thing you use to scrub down your crapper.
Wetter Is Better
Speaking of clean butts, you better not be sanding down your dude regions with two-ply after ripping a fat deuce. You wouldn’t “wash” your body with dry paper towels. So why would you wipe the nastiest part of your body with dry TP?
Sure, you could join the ranks of guys who take a shower after every dump. But that’s not efficient for your schedule (or your water bill). That’s where DUDE Wipes come in: extra-large butt wipes infused with aloe and vitamin E to help you make a clean getaway from the porcelain throne every time.
