To Whom It May Concern,
As a leader, you understand the importance of eliminating inefficiencies. But your company's biggest obstacle isn't in the cloud or your training manuals: it's in your bathroom.
Standard two-ply toilet paper physically harms employees, pits them against each other, and even cuts into profit margins.
Let's take it from the top. The American Society of Colon and Rectal Surgeons notes that wiping with dry toilet paper frequently causes Polished Anus Syndrome, a painful condition characterized by a chapped, itchy, inflamed rear.
Your team can't—and shouldn't—be expected to operate at peak productivity while battling an uncontrollable urge to scratch their nether regions throughout the day.
Beyond physical consequences, toilet paper causes divisive arguments that sabotage morale. Most notably, the debate about toilet paper hanging "over" or "under" the roll has polarized Americans for decades. As Abraham Lincoln said, a house divided against itself cannot stand.
Speaking of the over-under debate, it's estimated that Americans spend 30 minutes per year looking for the end of the toilet paper roll, costing $300 million in lost productivity. We're no economists, but that's bad news for anybody's bottom line.
Fortunately, your organization can avoid these pitfalls with flushable DUDE Wipes. They're infused with soothing aloe and vitamin E so employees can focus on productivity, not their third pit.
With convenient dispenser packs and portable singles, the over-under debate is a thing of the past. Not to mention, DUDE Wipes are tax deductible since they're office supplies.
Putting toilet paper in your office bathroom is like using dial-up internet. Don't get stuck in the stone age. Be a leader, stock up on DUDE Wipes, and watch your business soar.
Sincerely,
El Duderino
