It’s something no man wants to admit to, but every man has experienced: skid marks. Those tragic brown streaks that live rent-free in the crotch of your underwear like a coffee ring in a white mug.
In theory, skid marks shouldn’t exist in a civilized society. We have indoor plumbing. We have butt wipes. We’ve literally put people on the moon. And yet, somehow, here you are, peeling off your underwear at the end of the day and wondering if you accidentally sat in a chocolate pudding cup. It’s a stain (pun intended) on our collective dignity. But it’s also preventable—if you’re willing to face the unpleasant truth about your personal hygiene.
By the end of this blog, you’ll know exactly why skid marks happen, how to stop them, and how to erase any evidence they ever existed. You might not win a Nobel Prize for your efforts, but at least your laundry will stop looking like a crime scene.
3 Reasons You Have Skid Marks On Your Underwear
The sad truth is, there are only a few main culprits. The good news? Every single one of them is 100% in your control.
1. You Don’t Wipe Your Butt Properly
Toilet paper is a scam. It’s basically just decorative tissue paper for your bathroom that smears the poop around like you’re finger painting in preschool. You’ve got skin folds, hair, and gravity working against you—and you’re trusting a single-ply square to fix that? Not happening.
The result: a thin layer of “residue” that your underwear graciously volunteers to collect for you.
2. You’re Not Washing Your Butt in the Shower
We shouldn’t have to say this, but wash your ass. And no, letting water drizzle past it while you scroll Instagram does not count. If you have a handheld shower head, now’s the time to use it for its true, noble purpose. If not, you’ve still got hands. Or a washcloth. Or literally anything that can scrub.
Think of it like dishes—you wouldn’t just rinse a greasy plate and call it clean.
2. Your Underwear Is Super Tight
If your underwear leaves a permanent waistband mark or compresses your junk into a position NASA engineers would envy, it’s probably too tight. And too-tight underwear means friction. Friction means…well, smearing. This is why tighty whities have their tragic reputation.
Is It Normal to Have Skid Marks On Your Underwear?
There’s no official government census on this (though imagine the survey questions). No verifiable data, no peer-reviewed paper about “fecal streak frequency in American males.” But anecdotally? Ask any dude and they’ll probably admit they’ve seen that sad little stripe at some point.
And yes, it seems to be more common among DUDES. Maybe it’s because we’re less likely to invest in thorough bathroom habits. Maybe it’s because we consider shower loofahs “decorative” and not functional.
How to Prevent Skid Marks On Your Underwear
The best defense against skid marks is a good offense. And by offense, we mean hygiene.
1. Ditch Toilet Paper for Flushable Wipes
A good flushable wipe actually removes what toilet paper just smears around. It’s like upgrading from a butter knife to a pressure washer.
2. Wipe Till It’s White
This one’s simple: keep wiping until the wipe comes back clean. Don’t stop just because you’ve hit an arbitrary “three wipes” quota. This isn’t the DMV—no one’s counting.
3. Wash Your Ass Daily
Every. Single. Day. The goal is to make skid marks as rare as solar eclipses, not recurring like your Netflix subscription.
How to Get Rid of Skid Marks On Your Underwear
Sometimes prevention fails, and you’ve gotta go into clean-up mode.
If you’re rocking white underwear, bleach is your best friend. Pre-soak the stained area for at least an hour before tossing it in the wash. This isn’t a “spritz and hope for the best” situation—you need time for the chemical warfare to work.
For colored underwear, skip the bleach and go with enzyme-based laundry pods. We rock with Laundry Sauce because it actually smells good (read: not like your grandma’s linen closet). Use warm water and let the machine do its thing.
Say Goodbye to Skid Marks, DUDE
Skid marks aren’t inevitable. They’re not a genetic curse or a sign you’ve “just got one of those bodies.” They’re a flashing neon sign pointing to the fact that your butt-cleaning routine needs work. Upgrade your bathroom game with DUDE Wipes. Shower like an adult. Wear underwear that lets your butt breathe. And if all else fails, at least learn how to erase the evidence.
