Somewhere in the forests of South Asia, a small, nocturnal animal called the Asian palm civet is literally pooping out luxury. Not diamonds, not truffles—coffee. The kind that costs more than your rent if you live anywhere remotely coastal.
It’s called kopi luwak, and it’s made from coffee beans that have been eaten, digested, and shat out by civets. It’s not “farm-to-table.” It’s “gut-to-cup,” and a pound of this stuff can sell for over $1,000—all because someone looked at an animal’s turds and thought: Yeah, I’ll try brewing that.
For years, the coffee world has justified this madness with vague talk about “smoothness” and “complexity.” But now, science has stepped in to explain why your favorite influencer’s bucket-list brew tastes the way it does.
What Makes This Sh*t So Special?
A team at the Central University of Kerala in India recently decided to figure out what makes civet coffee different from the normal kind that comes straight off a tree—not out of an animal’s ass.
They compared standard Robusta beans with those scavenged from wild civet droppings, and the results were…oddly delicious.
Civet-processed beans contained more total fat and higher levels of two compounds with very science-fair-sounding names: caprylic acid methyl ester and capric acid methyl ester.
These molecules are responsible for buttery, creamy flavors—the same ones that give dairy its rich, mouth-coating feel.
So yeah, it turns out the civet’s digestive system is basically a tiny fermentation chamber that micro-brews coffee beans into something smoother, rounder, and richer.
Bougie Coffee Built on Animal Constipation
Of course, there’s a dark side to all this. Because when people find out they can sell poop for $1,000 a pound, the free-market response is exactly what you’d expect: mass animal exploitation.
Most “kopi luwak” sold today doesn’t come from wild civets doing their thing in the jungle. It comes from civets kept in cages and force-fed nothing but coffee cherries until they’re essentially caffeinated money printers.
The new research could help create lab-grown or synthetic versions that replicate the civet effect—without the animal cruelty—but for now, it’s an industry running on suffering and Starbucks-level markups.
Still, there’s something deeply poetic about this. Humanity will go to absurd lengths to justify its addiction to caffeine. We’re not just brewing beans anymore; we’re analyzing digestive chemistry to make sure even our poop coffee has a tasting note profile.
Finish the Job Your Coffee Started
Whether you’re drinking artisanal civet feces or a gas-station latte, the result is the same: Nature’s alarm clock goes off in your intestines.
When that happens, you’ll want something better than the public restroom’s single-ply. That’s where DUDE Wipes come in: your post-coffee insurance policy. They’re bigger, wetter, and built for emergencies of the caffeinated kind.
Because if coffee is going to run through you faster than a luxury bean through a civet, you might as well finish strong.
