You said it was going to be a “low key night.” Now you’re laying in bed with a pounding headache, nausea , and brutal stomach cramps. Your body is teeming with toxins and you’ll try anything to get sweet relief.
From cold showers to chugging coffee to drinking more alcohol, dudes have devised many tactics to (unsuccessfully) cure their hangovers. But could the simple act of dropping a deuce be enough to recover from the aftermath of those tequila shots you definitely didn’t need?
We all know pooping feels awesome, no matter the occasion. However, we stumbled upon a study that suggests a trip to the porcelain throne may help alleviate hangover symptoms after a long night of drinking.
Let’s explore this underrated hangover cure.
Does Pooping Help a Hangover?
A breakthrough study published in 2023 found that pooping the day after drinking does indeed help alleviate hangover symptoms like nausea, headache, and fatigue. The researchers found that people significantly lowered their blood ethanol levels and blood acetaldehyde levels after defecating.
Translation: You can literally poop toxins out of your body to speed up the hangover recovery process.
The study, published in Archives of Medical Science, examined four healthy adults who binge-drank vodka. Over the following 20 hours, researchers analyzed their blood samples to see how their body handled the booze before and after pooping.
The results? Their hangover symptoms were “significantly relieved” by both the first and second defecations. This wasn’t just a placebo effect. The blood samples showed that pooping rapidly reduced the drinkers’ blood acetaldehyde levels (a toxic byproduct that forms when your liver breaks down booze).
“Timely bowel movements after drinking…may offer an alternative strategy to alleviate the effects of hangovers and reduce the risk of alcohol-related liver damage,” the researchers concluded.
Don’t get it twisted: Taking a dump won’t miraculously cure your hangover. The authors of that study even admitted there is no legit “cure” available. A hangover is the result of dehydration, electrolyte imbalances, disrupted sleep patterns, and inflammation—none of which pooping can address.
That said, dropping a dookie can reduce your blood alcohol level and relieve your tummy troubles, which is nothing to sneeze at.
Does Pooping Sober You Up?
Taking a crap might make you feel less crappy after alcohol consumption. But neither pooping nor peeing can sober you up .
The process of metabolizing alcohol happens in your liver, not your digestive system. When you drink alcohol, it gets absorbed into your bloodstream through the walls of your GI tract. From there, it travels to your liver, where enzymes break it down into acetaldehyde, which is eventually metabolized into carbon dioxide and water.
Your liver can only metabolize alcohol at a rate of around one drink per hour. So even if you emptied your digestive system into the toilet, it wouldn't affect how fast your liver processes alcohol.
Bottom line: Time is the only thing that can sober you up—not time in the bathroom.
Why Do You Get Diarrhea After Drinking Alcohol?
Some dudes don’t need a reminder to drop a deuce the day after drinking. Perhaps you’ve been a victim of the dreaded hangover diarrhea (AKA the beer shits), which strikes your gut with a vengeance.
In our ultimate guide to explosive hangover poops , we explained two main ways drinking causes diarrhea:
- Alcohol irritates your digestive tract, which makes stomach contractions stronger and more frequent.
- Alcohol has a diuretic effect that causes dehydration, leading to loose stools and more trips to the toilet to pee (and poo).
Don’t fear the DADS (day after drinking shits). In fact, you should embrace hangover poops. It’s Mother Nature’s natural hangover remedy.
How to (Actually) Help Your Hangover
We’d be billionaires if we had the actual cure for hangovers. But the next best thing we can do is offer these four science-backed tips to make you feel less shitty:
1. Hydrate with Electrolytes
Hangovers zap away electrolytes such as potassium, sodium, and magnesium. Re-upping on those will restore the balance of fluids in your body and alleviate symptoms like headache, fatigue, and muscle aches.
Drinking water can help. But you’re better off with a sugar-free hangover supplement that’s packed with electrolytes.
2. Take an OTC Anti-Inflammatory
Popping an aspirin or ibuprofen (like Motrin or Advil) can give you some much-needed relief from that headache that feels like someone jammed an ice pick into your skull.
Pro tip: Steer clear of Tylenol (acetaminophen). This stuff can actually worsen your hangover symptoms.
3. Eat Complex Carbohydrates
If your stomach can handle it, chow down on some complex carbs like whole grain toast, oats, or brown rice. These contain glucose that boosts your blood sugar, which is literally food for your brain.
We hate to break it to you, but greasy food doesn’t “soak up” the alcohol when you’re hungover. On the contrary, that grease can wreak havoc on your already-jacked-up gut.
4. Go Back to Sleep
Alcohol might make you fall asleep fast, but it prevents you from getting the deep sleep you need to prevent headaches and fatigue. In fact, many hangover symptoms can be blamed on sleep deprivation.
Getting some shut-eye gives your body a chance to rest and recover. It’s like plugging in your phone when the battery is on 1%.
We’ll Wipe Your Hangover Poops
Few things compare to the sweet relief of unleashing a sloppy deuce. The last thing you need is to ruin that experience by torturing your tushy with dry toilet paper. When the beer shits inevitably hit, make sure you’ve got DUDE Wipes on deck.
We might not be able to save you from the agony of a hangover. Butt we can definitely save you from a chapped, itchy rear .
