You’ve been eyeing someone special. It’s becoming more and more difficult to be in her presence without wondering what it would be like if she would even entertain the idea of dating you. Whenever you see her, your heart skips a beat and you try to act cool.
Asking a girl out is a challenge. If you’re not the cool and confident type, you’re in the same boat as most guys who dread the idea of approaching someone he’s into. But if you can’t muster up the courage to “court” her, she’ll be swept off her feet by a chump fighting for that first date.
Don’t let shorty miss out on the man of her dreams...you! She may not know it yet, but she sure as heck never will if you don’t man up and make your move. That said, you can’t do it without some words of advice and a plan of action. You only have one chance to make a first impression, so don’t blow it with predictable pick-up lines or nervous banter.
As Psychology Today points out, “Researchers have found that we make decisions about people within seconds to minutes of first seeing them. We decide very quickly whether a person possesses many of the traits we feel are important, such as likeability and competence.”
A girl that’s worth it deserves your best effort, so study up and you won’t strike out. An incompetent idiot isn’t what she wants to bring home to mama. And being well-liked is a big deal, especially if she’s going to introduce you to her friends.
GET TO KNOW HER
Unless you consider “asking out” to be a swipe on a dating app, you need to step up your game. Let’s assume this woman is someone you’ve seen around town, in your office elevator, or a friend of a friend. Maybe she’s your favorite barista at Starbucks or she’s always waiting for the same bus as you are in the morning. She’s familiar, but you don’t have many facts.
Before you jump in to ask her on a date out of nowhere and risk looking like a jackass, find out some tidbits about this babe so you have a reason to get to the next step. You want her to feel like a queen when you make your ask.
Approach this gal with grace and good vibes. Ask her something simple and don’t come on too strong. “Hey, how’s it going?” works fine, and from there, bring up something that’s relevant to your location, what’s been going on in the news (nothing political, polarizing, or perverted), or about what she’s holding, reading, wearing, etc. Keep it casual and PG-rated. Be funny or flirt (a little) if that’s something you’re good at, otherwise, just be yourself and have something to say when she accepts your conversation starter.
The next time you see her, she’ll be more inclined to engage again, and you can build from your last chit-chat. Impress her by remembering something specific she said. Girls love it when they know you’re really listening.
THE ART OF ASKING
Once you’ve established a decent amount of easygoing “I’m not a serial killer” vibe, you can pump yourself up to ask her out. Prep yourself that morning by taking a shower, put on something nicer than what you’d normally wear (or at least without stains and wrinkles), and spritz on a little (repeat...a little) cologne. Also, banish bad breath and B.O.
When you see her, look for the signals that she’s open to what she doesn’t yet know she’s about to receive. Is she making eye contact? That’s a good sign. Does she smile when she sees you? Another gift that the girl likes you. How’s her body language—does she face you or stand kinda sideways? Is she busy with something and doesn’t want to be bothered? Be mindful of her mood, because you don’t want to upset or distract her. Again, make small talk before going in for the kill, but don’t wait too long or your window of opportunity will close like a casket.
Just like you’ve noticed her “signals,” make sure yours are easily readable too. Don’t cross your arms or keep them in your pockets. Hold eye contact, even if you’re petrified, just don’t forget to blink (the “psycho” look isn’t ideal). Stand at a normal distance so she’s not concerned about your socialization sensibilities.
Have a specific date idea ready to go before you take action. We’re not in the 7th grade, so “asking her out” with no agenda doesn’t work if you’re not in the same algebra class. Pick a place where you can talk—no loud clubs, movies, etc. A brunch date works, as it doesn’t scream “I want to sleep with you.” At least not ‘till your second pitcher of mimosas, anyway.
If she’s into it, you’ll know immediately, because she’ll either say “Yes,” or something that’s not yes. If she says she’s too busy or she’s wishy-washy about your interest, chalk it up to the fact that she’s just not into you. He’s Just Not That Into You was created around this very concept. If she doesn’t accept the date, you’ll have time to watch it...alone.
- Be yourself. You want this to go somewhere, so acting like Leo DiCaprio ain’t gonna last.
- Pay attention. She’s impressed when you’re not only focused on yourself. At least pretend.
- Go for cute, not creepy. Keep your cool, keep your distance, keep your eyes above her neck.
- Have a plan. Pick something fun, flirty, and family-friendly. “Hot and heavy” can wait a while.
- Go above and beyond. You’ve hooked her, now keep her from looking for other fish in the sea.
Good luck dude!