From anal hygiene to prostate cancer to tidying your taint, it’s no big mystery that dude’s usually don’t like talking about their butts, at least in public. But that doesn’t mean you’re not curious. That’s why we’re here: to dig up the facts behind all the dirty, embarrassing, and in this case, kinky questions you might have.
Over the past decade, the demand for sex toys skyrocketed—and the sales boom is being sparked by a new breed of buyers: straight men seeking prostate stimulation. Just a decade ago, the thought of sticking something up your ass might have made you cringe. Now, 71% of dudes say they have tried or would try a prostate massage. There’s even a dedicated reddit community, r/ProstatePlay, which boasts nearly 15,000 members.
But before we get into butt stuff, you first need to know what your prostate is in the first place.
What is a Prostate?
Your prostate is a walnut-sized gland located about two inches up your ass, between the bladder and the penis. The prostate gland secretes fluid that nourishes and protects sperm. During ejaculation, the prostate squeezes said fluid into the urethra and propels it from the penis.
The prostate is often called the male G-spot or the “P-spot” because it’s surrounded by sensitive nerve endings which, if stimulated by massaging, can crank up the pleasure dial to a level you’ve never experienced—but you (or your partner) have to know what you’re doing.
What Is a Prostate Massage?
While having a foreign finger or toy up your ass might not sound an ideal way to spend date night, a prostate massage done right can be very persuasive.
Sex and relationship advisor Lianne Young recommends starting with one finger and lots of lube. Once you have a finger inserted, “you actually need to curl the top of your finger—just like when a guy does it to your G-spot,” she says, describing it as a “come here” motion.
From there, it’s trial and error until you find the sweet spot. If you’re feeling frisky, consider using a small prostate massager toy or vibrator. Don't go too hard though, otherwise you can induce prostatitis. And most importantly, keep the lines of communication open. Nobody knows what you’re feeling unless you tell them.
What does a prostate massage feel like?
Apparently it’s quite difficult to encapsulate the ecstasy that ensues from a professional prostate massage, so we deferred to an expert to explain: sex toy inventor Adam Lewis.
“Unlike the rest of the body, like the gland of your penis which is constantly touched and brushed against and stimulated—either accidentally or on purpose—the prostate doesn’t,” says Lewis. “It is unstimulated with all these nerve endings, so if you do make physical contact, it’s quite raw… and it’s very sensitive to touch and pressure.”
One reddit user on r/AskMen was slightly more descriptive in his recollection of his prostate massage experience:
“When I could finally breathe again, I couldn't make my mind think. I just stared at the ceiling, panting and moaning, until I caught my breath… I was dizzy and had difficulty just sitting and standing for a while, but there was a grin affixed to my face that didn't leave all day. My mind was as wobbly as my legs, but it eventually cleared.”
Can a Prostate Massage Give You an Orgasm?
Achieving a prostate orgasm or a “progasm” isn’t as simple as rubbing one out the old fashioned way. Clinical research on progasms is sparse, so it will take practice and patience (up to 15 minutes) to determine what feels good.
A progasm may result in ejaculation, other times it can be dry. Everybody is different. Either way, progasms are said to feel more intense than penile orgasms. This raises a common question: Is it mandatory to go inside the back door?
It’s possible to stimulate the prostate externally by applying pressure to the perineum or “taint.” However, this might not produce the same sensation as anal penetration. It’s kind of like getting an over-the-pants handjob instead of a blowjob.
No Shame In the Progasm Game
Sexologist Carol Queen points out that “our culture tends to conflate anal play and prostate pleasure with gay and bi men,” but the reality is that straight men are leading what sex toy marketers are calling “a bona fide run on the anal bank.”
Whether the popularity of prostate play is due to the tearing down of taboos or pure pleasure, one thing is certain: If it feels good, a dude’s gonna do it.