There were plenty of runs in the Giants-Padres series in Mexico City last weekend—and we’re not talking about the score.
In addition to dealing with the burn of getting swept, more than half of the Giants players suffered a different kind of burn: explosive diarrhea.
Giants pitcher Logan Webb was brutally honest about the team’s struggles south of the border:
“I think three-quarters of our clubhouse has the sh*ts,” he said in a postgame presser. “It will be good to come home. Hopefully the sh*t goes away and we’ll be better in a couple of days.”
After catching wind of the Giants’ shit-uation, we knew we had to step up to the plate. That’s why we sent the Giants enough DUDE Wipes to last them the entire season. We also tossed in a bunch of DUDE Bombs stank eliminators to keep the clubhouse smelling fresh.
TMZ broke the story about our care package over the weekend, noting that the Giants have a new “cleanup” hitter. MLB Twitter erupted soon afterward, praising our sh*tty marketing strategy.
This isn’t the first time we got involved after an MLB team “turned two.” We also gave Red Sox player Kiké Hernandez a season’s worth of DUDE Wipes after he revealed he pooped his pants in the middle of a playoff game.
UPDATE: Early reports indicate that our Mint Chill Wipes saved several Giants from having to go on the injured reserve list due to spicy butt.