There are two types of DUDES in this world: those who wipe their butt sitting down and those who stand tall like it's a full-body workout. You might think this is just another mindless internet debate, like whether cereal is a soup or if you should wash your legs in the shower. Butt the wiping divide is real, and surprisingly heated.
Some dudes are shocked to learn anyone actually wipes standing up. Meanwhile, the standers are equally bewildered: “How do you reach down there without smearing it everywhere?” The reactions range from polite confusion to full-on existential crisis.
So, what’s the right way to wipe? Let’s break it down, cheeks clenched.
Is It Better to Wipe Sitting or Standing?
Wiping is one of those deeply personal routines where habit, anatomy, and preference collide. The real answer? Whatever gets you clean. But since you’re here and clearly invested in butt hygiene, we’ll walk through the pros and cons of each wiping style before dropping the DUDE consensus.
Wiping Standing Up
Advantages:
- Visibility and leverage: Some folks feel they can better access the area when they’re partially or fully upright. They feel in control, like a sanitation ninja.
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No toilet contact: Standing eliminates the risk of accidentally brushing your hand against the bowl. If you’re a germaphobe, this may be your move.
Childhood habit: Many standers learned this method during potty training. Once your mom teaches you to wipe standing, you might never switch it up.
Disadvantages:
- Cheek squeeze: When you stand, your butt cheeks close up shop, making cleanup more of a challenge.
- Mess potential: Some argue that standing increases the odds of smearing, not cleaning. The cheeks compress the crime scene before you can fully erase the evidence.
Wiping Sitting Down
Advantages:
- Cheek spread advantage: Sitting on the bowl naturally separates the cheeks, giving you easier access to the cleanup zone.
- One-swipe potential: Some sitters claim that sitting helps them achieve a more efficient wipe. Fewer passes = less paper.
- You’re already there: Why get up? You’re in prime position. No need to risk tipping over mid-wipe or doing weird angles.
Disadvantages:
- Awkward angles: Depending on flexibility, wiping while sitting may feel like a yoga pose. There’s front-wipe vs. back-wipe politics here, too. But that’s another war.
- Toilet contact risks: Sitting close to the action means your hand is dangerously near splash territory.
The DUDE Consensus
Whether you’re a sitter or a stander, it really comes down to comfort, mobility, and habit. Here’s how to choose your wiping style based on what you value most:
If you want max efficiency, minimal movement, and gravity on your side, wipe sitting down.
If you like more control, visibility, or you’ve got limited flexibility while seated, wipe standing up.
Do Most People Wipe Sitting or Standing?
Curious where the masses fall? A large Reddit survey in r/SampleSize pulled back the curtain on humanity’s wiping habits: Out of 951 respondents, 65.7% said they wipe sitting, while 34.3% wipe standing.
Among men (626 participants):
- 62.3% sit
- 37.7% stand
Among women (306 participants):
- 73.2% sit
- 26.8% stand
Translation: Sitting is more common, especially among women. But standing isn’t some fringe behavior. It’s a solid third of the population, and it’s not going anywhere.
No Matter How You Wipe, Wet Beats Dry
We won’t judge your wiping posture. Butt we will 100% judge your wiping material. Using dry TP for your dumps is like wiping up a smoothie spill with a tortilla chip. Sure, you made contact, but you aren’t leaving the place much cleaner than you found it.
Whether you stand, sit, squat, lean, hover, or invent your own position, DUDE Wipes take your cleanup game from amateur hour to gold medal status.
