Scientists have devoted a surprising amount of time studying farts.
We're talking decades of research, specialized equipment, and a gastroenterologist who earned the "The King of Farts."
Somewhere along the way, they answered one of humanity's most unnecessary yet burning questions: Whose farts smell worse?
One study suggests you should steer clear of the ladies restroom…
Butt before you DUDEs start celebrating, there are a few things worth knowing.
Yes, Researchers Actually Collected People's Farts
Back in 1998, Dr. Michael Levitt and his colleagues recruited 16 volunteers for what had to be the world's most awkward clinical trial.
Participants ate pinto beans, took a laxative, and wore what the researchers politely called a "flatus collection system." The less polite description is a rectal tube connected to a bag.
Once the samples were collected, researchers analyzed exactly what was inside them. Then they had two judges smell the samples and rate each one on an odor scale from 0 to 8.
The judges weren't told they were sniffing human farts. We'd love to know what they thought they had volunteered for.
Why Women's Farts Carry Extra Stank
The study found that men generally crank out more gas overall, butt women's gas contained significantly higher concentrations of hydrogen sulfide—one of the sulfur compounds responsible for that unmistakable rotten egg smell.
In other words, guys may have had the higher volume, while women had the higher octane.
Hydrogen sulfide wasn't the only smelly compound researchers found, but it had the strongest connection to how offensive a fart was rated during the sniff test. The more hydrogen sulfide, the worse the smell.
It's worth noting this doesn't mean every woman's farts smell worse than every man's. Diet, digestion, gut bacteria, and plenty of other factors still play a role.
Nature just appears to have given women a slight edge in one category nobody asked to win.
Why Women Tend to Be More Embarrassed About It
A separate study published a few years later found that women were more self-conscious about other people hearing or smelling their farts than men were. DUDEs, meanwhile, were the least bothered.
So the group that's more likely to worry about farting also happens to have slightly smellier farts according to the research. That's a tough draw.
Then again, anyone who's ever blamed the dog or the baby knows embarrassment has never stopped humanity from getting creative.
Fart Freely, But Responsibly
Women may produce smellier farts, butt that doesn't mean DUDES get a free pass to crop dust all day long.
Nobody is immune from a badly timed burrito, gas station lunch, or the ever-present possibility of trusting a fart they absolutely shouldn't have.
Don't get cocky ripping farts just because science gave you a technical victory. Nobody is safe from a shart attack, and that's going to smell worse than you and your girl's farts combined.
