DUDEkind has been seriously underestimating how much gas comes out of its collective ass.
For years, scientists believed the average person ripped about 14 farts a day. Butt researchers at the University of Maryland recently developed a device that can measure flatulence in real time, and the results suggest we've been severely underreporting our daily emissions.
According to the new research, the average person farts 32 times a day. That's more than twice the previous estimate.
And how did scientists uncover this groundbreaking information? By inventing underwear that keeps track of your farts. Your tax dollars have never smelled worse.
Scientists Created Smart Underwear to Track Every Fart
Researchers at the University of Maryland developed a wearable device appropriately named Smart Underwear. It's a tiny sensor that clips onto your underwear and monitors the gas escaping your ass throughout the day.
The device uses electrochemical sensors to measure hydrogen levels in flatulence, allowing scientists to track intestinal gas production without relying on people to remember every time they let one rip.
It’s basically a Fitbit for your farts.
Unlike previous research, which largely relied on self-reporting, Smart Underwear collects objective data around the clock, except when you're sitting on the toilet.
Some People Fart 59 Times a Day
While the average participant farted 32 times daily, researchers discovered enormous differences between individuals.
Some participants farted as few as four times a day. Others managed to squeeze out a staggering 59.
That's nearly two and a half farts per hour, assuming you're putting in a full 24-hour shift.
The findings also raise serious questions about previous estimates. For decades, scientists relied on people to accurately report their own flatulence, which was apparently about as reliable as asking someone how many beers they had last Saturday.
Scientists Still Don't Know How Much Farting Is Normal
Believe it or not, researchers aren't conducting this experiment solely for the entertainment of grown men. The goal is to better understand how gut bacteria, diet, and digestive health affect gas production.
"We don't actually know what normal flatus production looks like," explained Brantley Hall, an assistant professor at the University of Maryland.
Without a reliable baseline, doctors have a tough time determining when someone's excessive farting might indicate a gastrointestinal problem.
To collect more data, researchers launched the Human Flatus Atlas, a project studying fart frequency across people with different diets and gut microbiomes.
They're particularly interested in people who eat lots of fiber but produce little gas, frequent farters, and everyone in between.
59 Farts a Day, Butt Only 1 Way to Wipe
Whether you're releasing four farts a day or blasting through 59, you're eventually going to have to take a dump. When that time comes, don't trust a few flimsy squares of dry TP to handle the aftermath.
DUDE Wipes are extra-large, flushable wipes designed to give your ass a cleaner finish after dropping a deuce.
Scientists can keep counting your farts. We'll clean up your sharts.
